You're offended. But at the end of the day you feel justified and at the end of every day I feel like I got the short end of the stick. I feel gipped. I feel like I am AGAIN dealing with a situation where I got screwed over and you walked away clean. Oh, but I insulted you? Insulted what?! You don't care! You would do it again. So who cares if I slightly burnt your ego or your pride? In comparison, my pride was laughed at and pointed at and degraded and forgotten. How much emotionally did you have to deal with in your decision? If you'd repeat it, apprently not a lot. I'm sure I explained the hell I went through in specific to you. I went through hell. And you would do it again. Who is supposed to bend here? Am I supposed to just get over it and forget it and drop it and leave it. But it was special. Crucial. One of those things that can only happen once. And I get that for you, it was no where near that but does that make it okay for you to scoff at what it was for me? You get it but you don't understand what I refuse to be "okay" with it. I was sixteen when you asked me to marry you. It was the first diamond ring I had ever gotten and I stared at it every day I was away to remind me of you. And even though we broke up, do you remember what happened? Do you remember how you called me because you wanted it back? That would have been okay if you just wanted it back. But no, you called me and told me you wanted it back to specifically give it back to her. I don't remember much. But I do remember how I put that ring on the only gold chain I had, and how I STILL wore it even after we had started dating other people. How I CRIED. How BETRAYED. How AWFUL the whole thing just was. How people contacted me about it just to ask if it was really TRUE that you DID that to ME. And asked how could you have really MEANT it if you were so ready to just give it away again? Don't you see?Fine. It was your ring. Your family. Your right to give it to whoever you want.
But it was my one ring. My only ring. I took that engagement promise with it to heart. That ring was the embodiment of our entire relationship. And did I ever tell you how Gina had to hold my hand the first time I saw her wearing the ring? How I almost fell apart in an instant because someone else was wearing a ring that meant the entire world to me? Don't you get it? How awful did you feel when you gave it away? How bad did you feel whenever you held her hand and she was wearing it? Did it tear you in places you can't even describe? Did it haunt you? And mock? And did you have to fight not only your friends, but yourself to prove that that ring was really just a stupid ring with no real attachment?That ring was and still is something that reminds of how raw and vulnerable and how stupid I was or still am. Just like how when people tell you that she used you and took what she wanted and left you behind BURNS you and forever suffocates whatever pride you have gathered since. It's the same for me. You don't even know where it is anymore. It was just another ring to you. And it was SO SO SO important to me in ways you will NEVER understand because you are naturally unattached and disassociated with EVERYTHING. Think of how different we are on these terms and just TRY to BEGIN to understand because you will NEVER fully get it. You will never REALLY feel the plethora of emotions that surge me. The anger. The distrust. The saddness. The pain. The JOY. The EXCITEMENT. The LOVE. All the good and the bad that come and go in its smallest mention. I just want you to get it. With every bone in my being, I wish you lived 5 minutes with my tired heart and worn soul. Just 5 minutes to feel it. I'd love to see how you'd react.
Ultimately, it just breaks my heart again. Every time I remember my heart breaks a little in its memory. And if that makes me dramatic or irrational or ignorant or wrong, then so be it. You will never understand.
