I Will Follow You into the Dark

[1] I'm out of school for the semester. How I survived telling my mother that? I'm not entirely sure. I avoided her calls for over a week. Skipped out visiting her and basically just tried to handle the entire situation myself. The previous blog explains all of that. In the end the entire endeavor was useless because city colleges are unprofessional and unreliable. After the 8th call the other night, I had to call my mom back. I didn't want her to think I was murdered. She of course was upset, but things aren't exactly rainbows on her side of the road so I offered to babysit Madison 2 days a week to lighten her load. I'm not quite sure how to feel about not being in school. I'm trying not to dwell. I need to save for next semester. [2] Kris got promoted. So my baby is now an assistant manager at a Gamestop. I am very proud and got him an acoustic guitar to celebrate our late-anniversary-early-Valentine's-Day-Congrats-on-the-Promotion. lol. I just wanted him to know that I think he deserves the best and that I really believe he can do whatever he sets his mind on. I suppose I could [2.5] this next one since it relates to the last. I might be getting promoted as well. Whether or not it's for the right reasons is another thing. I think my manager has taken a liking to me, meh. That and he swears bringing a girl into his new store will really throw off the balance. Kris really wants me to. I really want to minus any unforeseen drama. Oh the drama. I hate it. Avoid it like the plague. [3] Oh Lauren you silly fool. Heh. I am still confused a little on the relationship front because I don't think I'm completely over the past. I don't know if this is just me finding a reason to make it not work. Or looking for a reason to stress out. I am not quite sure. But I need to fix it and quick. I love Kris undeniably. Ever think it's selfish to want more than love? That's me. Someone smack me. I'm not confused per se about how I feel toward him or whether I question if he loves me. I just have this ridiculous need to know exactly how he feels about her. Like I keep trying to interpret it all. Why? No clue. I'm retarded. Oh yeah - not to self, never get into a car with your ex-boyfriend regardless of if you're friends or not. Ray didn't try to make a move me, quite the opposite he actually leant me money to help me pay my debt. But he did talk about wanting to come back to me and whatnot. Awkward. Yep. Alrighty, well me and Charlito need to head to bed. I have a severe need to hug my boyfriend. Cool side note: "You and Kris are on a completely different level than most of us. I have never even seen the beginning of a relationship like yours. You guys are passed all the stupid drama and really support eachother." - Ray

Hmph. Felt good to finally hear something positive from an outside perspective. I'm pretty sure he eavesdropped when Kris was doing crisis management with me about school, but it really made me proud when he said it. I take a lot for granted when it comes to our relationship. I have my stupid tendencies to worry about random things, but really in the end I should be grateful and should stop ruining my present with all the nonsense from the past. Time's a-tickin' and who knows what's going to happen in 2012.

OH! [4] I designed my tattoo. It's a lotus flower symbolizing coming from muck and mirk and growing into a beautiful blossom. It's symbolism for growth past hard times. Then incorporated I want, "For when I am weak, then I am strong." From 2 Corinthians 12:10. Oh the irony. lol. Life has a funny way of teaching you things. But yeah, I had to post that before I forgot. Something a lot like the picture in that same spot. I'm excited.