Ever since my junior year I feel like I waver the line of having my confidence and completely forgetting I was born with it. Heh. I am a confident girl. I love to be outgoing and fun and flirty. I find comfort in being homely. I am not bitchy. I find it most rewarding to be polite and honest with people. I have morals and expectations. I want thrill and safety. But who have I been? Quiet. Insecure. Sheesh I gained weight! I feel ugly some days. I feel ashamed and I get angry and the anger evolves into frustration and it ends with me just wanting it to be natural. I can remember days I wake loving light and air and life and appreciating the pain and the stress but relishing in the outcome. I want that back. I want the me I know I AM. Not just the
It might be ignorant of me but I hate to think that I have met people these past years who think I am less than what I know. That I've been second guessed and doubted. That I've been looked over and ignored. Not by just anyone, but by people who I feel should value what I have to offer. Maybe that's ignorant and naive. No one has to value me and I shouldn't need to be valued. But I really feel like the people who care about you should value me. Note to self: not everyone cares about you. lol.
I don't know. I wish I felt like someone could see me. Wish he could see more than anyone. Ah! Why does this matter to me so much?! Rawr,
Work party tonight at Durbin's. I'm excited. Maybe I'll let my colors shine a little. I know there are people there who think they get me but I'm an iceberg hun. You just got the surfaced part and I've got plenty more to share.
Nerd.
