The Wretched Truth

So I've basically been avoiding this moment for the last year and a half. And there it is waiting for me on my doorstep. I hadn't been worrying about my mom changing jobs since I found out that she was directly affiliated to UIC. But now that we have new insurance, I need proof of full-time schooling.Shoot me now. So not only will she find out that I'm not at UIC but if she pays attention to the address she'll notice that I am no longer living at my old address. And of course this all had to happen right before the holidays. Funny how we always think we're doing things for the better and when the finally come out they really were all for the worst regardless. Hi Mom, just wanted to tell you that I'm not at UIC this semester. I wasn't full-time because I dropped Chemistry. And well, Kris and I live together. Surprise! Merry Christmas! (sigh) She's going to freak out and tell everyone so at Christmas they can all freak out at me. Then Kris is not going to want to spend Christmas with us. And then her and Rob will want me back home. Oh man... maybe I can just tell her that I am really trying to figure out my life on my own. That I haven't done the best job but that I'm still trying and will find my place eventually. It's going to crush her no matter how I say it and in turn will devastate me. Given that I've tried to tell her many times and she's been having so many other problems. I just wanted to figure out myself. And now here I am about to let it all spill all over the floor. I don't know. She's going to kill me. And then I don't know what comes next. There is no way for me to win this round. I'm going to have a heart-attack. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Maybe they'll let me be. Maybe they'll be upset and then I'll finally have a clear slate and all this stress and worry will be gone because there won't be anymore lies. Honestly, I just want my mom to know the truth. I don't need anyone else to know. Knowing her, she'll tell them. But if I could just tell my mom. Let her know that my life hasn't been as easy I've played it out to be. Let her know how hard it's been and how I get a good amount of what she's going through. I don't know. Maybe she'll see how much we love eachother. That we've made everything work well so far. Maybe she'll see anything... something... I am going to lose my mind before the night is through. I don't even know how to start.